On Sunday, I deactivated my Facebook.
Today, I have deactivated my Twitter, OkCupid, PlentyofFish, and made this blog private.
Currently checking my settings on YouTube as I write this entry.
So I'm dissolving from the digital world, slowly, like a reluctant effervescent tablet. A few chunks still remain in the bottom of the glass.
7:11 P.M. CST
YouTube account pretty much private. No one can watch any of my videos unless they know my e-mail/me, which few do, so it's not a problem. I could close the account. I could. The videos are on my old computer and netbook.
As I'm reading the reports and analyses on my overall account, with just over 1200 views....I could delete the account. I could.
7:17 P.M. CST
I did. I still have my Google account, so that's good. I can still watch videos if I desire.
So far, no one has contacted me about my disappearance. It's probably for the best. I don't even know why I'm writing this.
Maybe because this will be the last entry for this blog as well.....
For now.
Peace always (and variably),
V
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Content...sort of
Finally checked my twitter after over two months of being inactive. Found this quote:
"Nobody got anywhere in the world by simply being content." ~ Louis L'Amour
I retweeted it and then I decided to post a blog entry after months of being inactive here as well. I'm not going to post a link to my twitter in this entry, but if you know me, it won't be that hard to find. :) Also, you're more likely to find me on Facebook.
So, about this quote. Yes, it is true; if you stay in the same place and do the same things, you won't get anywhere.
Yet I do love being, for the most part, somewhat content. I kind of like not having much going on. I think I deserve it granted certain events that have happened in my life. I know, I'm being totally vague, but whatever.
I've gotten to a place that I haven't been before yet I am comfortable with it. I like the numbing, consistent feeling of everyday life. I'm still doing the online education thing, and that's all I need right now. Because if I was meant to be anywhere else, I would have been there already. So I'm here, in South Texas, in my own remote space of the world, not really going anywhere in particular, but just where I need to be right now.
If that should change, I'll let you know....eventually.
Peace always,
V
"Nobody got anywhere in the world by simply being content." ~ Louis L'Amour
I retweeted it and then I decided to post a blog entry after months of being inactive here as well. I'm not going to post a link to my twitter in this entry, but if you know me, it won't be that hard to find. :) Also, you're more likely to find me on Facebook.
So, about this quote. Yes, it is true; if you stay in the same place and do the same things, you won't get anywhere.
Yet I do love being, for the most part, somewhat content. I kind of like not having much going on. I think I deserve it granted certain events that have happened in my life. I know, I'm being totally vague, but whatever.
I've gotten to a place that I haven't been before yet I am comfortable with it. I like the numbing, consistent feeling of everyday life. I'm still doing the online education thing, and that's all I need right now. Because if I was meant to be anywhere else, I would have been there already. So I'm here, in South Texas, in my own remote space of the world, not really going anywhere in particular, but just where I need to be right now.
If that should change, I'll let you know....eventually.
Peace always,
V
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Forgiveness
I'm not going to talk about what happened. I'm not even going to mention anyone that this is about. The enemy constantly reminds me of what people in the past have/haven't done in my life, and I'm sick of it. So I am making a public record of forgiveness out into the universe and just letting it be that. Because you may not even need or want my forgiveness. You may not even care. You maybe didn't even realize that I had a need to forgive. But ultimately, I need to develop a spirit of forgiveness within myself. So I'm letting go (which is a gradual process) and moving towards the present.
Peace always
V
Friday, March 16, 2012
Spring Cleanin', Movin', and Shakin'!
Hey everyone!
Happy early St. Paddy's Day for tomorrow.
George Clooney got arrested! But now he's released, according to CNN, so that's a relief. As for the issues behind the arrest, sigh. I've spent so much time worrying about things like poverty and hunger and trafficking in the past that it's just so draining now. I need to let go; I'm not a professional activist. I don't have the resources to make the kind of change needed for those things to be reduced/eliminated. Which brings me to the whole KONY 2012 thing. I've been pretty silent until now, which is ironic, seeing as how back in my Southwestern days (yeah, I'm getting old, people!), I was all about Invisible Children. I even slept in a cardboard box in Austin! That's how into it I was. Now, I've toned down a bit. I'll post a status or send an e-mail to a representative about something, but that's about it. I can only do so much.
I'm realizing this with a lot of things, actually. I'm really getting to a point where I can't just help but focus on my self. Not really the self I thought I was going to be, but the self that is currently in progress, and the new self I wish to be in the future. I've spent so long taking care of so many people, whom, honestly, didn't really need or ask for the help. Even Jesus had his limits.
So I'm taking off my cross and halo and stepping down from my throne. Yet I'm not resting on my laurels, either. Graduation is coming and I will need a lot of time to process and prepare for that. After that, I plan to continue to educate myself, take a few classes in some fun things, maybe. I have an acoustic guitar that collects dust in a case in my room. Maybe I'll get that tuned and get some lessons. We'll see.
So I've got a bit of waiting to do....and I might as well enjoy it now while I still can! I've been working on my room and throwing out a lot of rubbish. Basically, I was treating my floor like a trashcan...not cool. Now I can see my floor. That is progress. It takes time, whether I want it to or not, whatever is going to happen will happen.
There.
Breathe.
Done.
Until next time!
Peace always,
V
Happy early St. Paddy's Day for tomorrow.
George Clooney got arrested! But now he's released, according to CNN, so that's a relief. As for the issues behind the arrest, sigh. I've spent so much time worrying about things like poverty and hunger and trafficking in the past that it's just so draining now. I need to let go; I'm not a professional activist. I don't have the resources to make the kind of change needed for those things to be reduced/eliminated. Which brings me to the whole KONY 2012 thing. I've been pretty silent until now, which is ironic, seeing as how back in my Southwestern days (yeah, I'm getting old, people!), I was all about Invisible Children. I even slept in a cardboard box in Austin! That's how into it I was. Now, I've toned down a bit. I'll post a status or send an e-mail to a representative about something, but that's about it. I can only do so much.
I'm realizing this with a lot of things, actually. I'm really getting to a point where I can't just help but focus on my self. Not really the self I thought I was going to be, but the self that is currently in progress, and the new self I wish to be in the future. I've spent so long taking care of so many people, whom, honestly, didn't really need or ask for the help. Even Jesus had his limits.
So I'm taking off my cross and halo and stepping down from my throne. Yet I'm not resting on my laurels, either. Graduation is coming and I will need a lot of time to process and prepare for that. After that, I plan to continue to educate myself, take a few classes in some fun things, maybe. I have an acoustic guitar that collects dust in a case in my room. Maybe I'll get that tuned and get some lessons. We'll see.
So I've got a bit of waiting to do....and I might as well enjoy it now while I still can! I've been working on my room and throwing out a lot of rubbish. Basically, I was treating my floor like a trashcan...not cool. Now I can see my floor. That is progress. It takes time, whether I want it to or not, whatever is going to happen will happen.
There.
Breathe.
Done.
Until next time!
Peace always,
V
Thursday, February 2, 2012
"Grounding" Entry for Groundhog Day
If you've ever been in therapy or done anything self-help related, you may have heard of this thing called a "grounding exercise". It's something you do just to get your bearings and stay calm in the midst of a crisis or panic attack. See here. Well, I'm grounding myself, and on Groundhog Day, too. Who knew? ;) Oh, and if you didn't already know, we're in for a lonnnnnnngggggg Winter, just in case you're wondering.
I took a break from school until next month, in the beginning of March.
There. I said it.
Luckily, my online school was understanding when I called in and said that I needed some time off. Cool beans. Well, I guess it's a bit easier when you're not actually on a campus, lol. At least I didn't have to go through any forms or anything like that, thank God. I needed this break.
I also had to change medication. Again. Grrrrr......
On the bright side, I'm sending out Valentines! Yay! It feels good knowing that I'm sending them to people I care about, and who actually want them, as opposed to just giving them out to everyone in a classroom. That's awkward as hell.
Okay, so it sucks that I had to take a break from school (in my FINAL class) and that I'm changing medication. But I will live. And I am okay. Always.
Peace always,
V
I took a break from school until next month, in the beginning of March.
There. I said it.
Luckily, my online school was understanding when I called in and said that I needed some time off. Cool beans. Well, I guess it's a bit easier when you're not actually on a campus, lol. At least I didn't have to go through any forms or anything like that, thank God. I needed this break.
I also had to change medication. Again. Grrrrr......
On the bright side, I'm sending out Valentines! Yay! It feels good knowing that I'm sending them to people I care about, and who actually want them, as opposed to just giving them out to everyone in a classroom. That's awkward as hell.
Okay, so it sucks that I had to take a break from school (in my FINAL class) and that I'm changing medication. But I will live. And I am okay. Always.
Peace always,
V
Thursday, January 19, 2012
A Clearing in the Thicket
Hello there! I hope that 2012 has been and will continue to be well for you! :) Can you believe how fast time is going? Valentine's Day stuff is ALREADY in stores! Speaking of which, if you, awesome person, would like a Valentine from yours truly......please leave a comment or e-mail me. Get your request to me quickly before I run out! I will start sending Valentines on February 1st, in order to accommodate for International pals.
As far as how I am doing personally, well, I'm a lot better than I was last year, but.....I'm not out of the woods just yet. There's just been a little clearing in the thicket. But the sunshine is nice. I'm waiting for the new antidepressant to kick in, but if things don't change by the end of this month, I may have to do another walk-in meeting with my doctor. It's annoying (on both ends, believe me, I know) but it is important that I find the meds that will best work to help me manage my mental disorder.
For the next few weeks, I will be working on a major project in Psychology. I'm doing the entire thing on my own, research and writing, so it will be pretty intense and will require a serious and devoted hermitage. I'm thinking that my research for this project will be related to mental illness. After all, it is my life, haha! Well, not entirely, but pretty close!
More later!
Peace always,
V
Sunday, January 1, 2012
The Peace of Wild Things
"When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and [other] children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free. "
~ Wendell Berry
2012 is here! It's a new day, a new year, and yet another chance to just take a deep breath, pause, and appreciate a second chance at life. Thinking about this poem and imagining the peace of wild things helps me to realize that life goes on, and what's past, is past. At this time, I rest in the grace of the world, and am starting to feel free.
Peace always,
Vanessa
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and [other] children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free. "
~ Wendell Berry
2012 is here! It's a new day, a new year, and yet another chance to just take a deep breath, pause, and appreciate a second chance at life. Thinking about this poem and imagining the peace of wild things helps me to realize that life goes on, and what's past, is past. At this time, I rest in the grace of the world, and am starting to feel free.
Peace always,
Vanessa
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